Maja Knezović, Cim, Bosnia & Herzegovina
Love Begets Love
Author: Maja Knezović
I settled in Cim a decade ago, moving in with my husband after our marriage. Prior to that, I resided in the city, specifically in the Balinovac neighborhood near the Mostar Cathedral. Cim has always held a special charm for me as a small town close to the city, and today, it can even be considered an extension of the city due to its continuous growth. The area boasts numerous houses, gardens, and vineyards, benefiting from ample sunlight as it sits slightly elevated from the city, offering breathtaking views of the mountain Velež. At the heart of Cim lies a magnificent church that draws in a significant number of locals every Sunday.
I was raised in a traditional family. Every weekend, my parents and I would visit my grandparents in the countryside and lend them a hand. I’m aware that in many parts of the world, young people tend to leave their older family members — their parents, grandparents — once they turn 18, some even during their high school years. However, that’s not the case here. Children here stay with their parents until the very end. Parents provide everything within their means for their children, and throughout their lives, children recognize this and reciprocate with respect, attention, care, and love. But it’s not just about helping their parents; young people in general here also assist the elderly and hold their experiences in high regard, understanding that some things can only be learned through lived experiences. If they see an older person struggling with a heavy burden, they will readily come to their aid. They will run errands for them or offer a lift in their car whenever possible.
Exactly five years ago, my husband and I had planned to leave the country and start a new life abroad. He had attended several job interviews in Germany and received some amazing offers, one of which he accepted. We spent days organizing our belongings and searched for apartments. However, our plans took an unexpected turn when my father-in-law fell seriously ill overnight. He underwent challenging brain tumor surgery. As a result, we had to cancel our move to Germany, and to this day, we remain here, living together as a close-knit community. We made the decision to take on all responsibilities while our parents were still with us. We handle all the household tasks and maintain the garden. Since my father-in-law is no longer able to drive after the surgery, we are always available to assist them with any needs they may have. In Cim, there is no question about it; children demonstrate their love for their parents through various acts of kindness and support.
A couple of months ago, my friend Lana convinced her retired mother to join her at a Pilates class. At first, her mother was hesitant, but after the first session, she had a change of heart. She became absolutely delighted with her new hobby and the extra time she got to spend with her daughter. To make her Pilates experience even more enjoyable, Lana’s son, Ivan, gifted her a watch that measures heart rate and calories burned during their training sessions.
Every year, our neighbor Gabrijela generously treats her parents to a week-long vacation wherever they desire. Despite having an average income, which is not particularly high in Bosnia and Herzegovina, this gesture involves a significant expense and personal sacrifice on her part.
Another neighbor, Mirna, a native of Cim, got married a few years ago and relocated with her husband to an apartment in the city. However, as her parents have aged and their health has declined, she now visits them twice a day. She takes time off from work in the morning and returns again in the afternoon after finishing her job. This dedicated routine has been ongoing for the past two years.
My friend Mladen takes his elderly father for a walk almost every evening, both to keep him company and to be there in case he needs assistance.
My neighbor Andrijana, who lives in Zagreb, makes it a point to visit every year on a specific date to join her grandmother in making tomato juice and ajvar. This shared tradition is something they hold dear, and Andrijana never misses the opportunity to participate.
Another neighbor, Kristijan, has driven his grandmother to the hospital multiple times a week over the past month to assist her with medical tests. And when she was admitted to the hospital for surgery, he made sure to visit her at least once every day.
Two of my cousins have taken on the responsibility of caring for their mother, who is severely ill. They assist her with tasks such as changing diapers, bathing, and feeding. Although both the mother and her children initially found this new role challenging and unfamiliar, they lovingly explained to her that she had once performed the same duties for them when they were young.
Grown-up children actively engage in supporting their parents in vineyards, fields, and gardens, providing assistance in various ways. They work alongside their parents to preserve fruits and vegetables, creating homemade juices and jams that cannot be replicated in any store. As autumn arrives, it is a common sight in Cim to see adult children, accompanied by their own kids, gathering and stacking firewood for heating in almost every backyard. Through this meaningful act, they impart invaluable lessons to the younger generation about never forgetting one’s parents or grandparents, regardless of their own circumstances.
These heartfelt expressions of love, attention, and consideration are the true essence of a fulfilling life. It saddens me to witness situations where grown adults view their parents solely as a “grandma/grandpa service,” burdening them with caregiving duties or, even worse, neglecting their needs entirely.
When we were young, our parents took care of us, nurturing us to the best of their abilities. Now, as adults, it is our responsibility to support our aging parents, and we do so out of pure love. After all, love begets love.