Anamarija Knezević, Podhum, Bosnia & Herzegovina
A Jackass
Author: Anamarija Knezević
I’d like to share a timeless wisdom that remains relevant to this day: “To be a parent is to shoulder the weight of responsibility like a burdened donkey.” Parenthood is a lifelong journey that demands unyielding commitment, necessitating your constant presence and care every hour, every day. The true rewards of parenthood often reveal themselves towards the twilight of life, where the lasting effects of your dedication can be truly measured.
The essence of parenthood lies in the character and actions of your child. Are they a kind and compassionate friend? Do they make positive contributions as a colleague? Will they become loving and nurturing parents themselves? Have they achieved success in their education and personal growth? The questions are endless, but let us proceed step by step, unraveling this story as we go along.
My childhood was a genuine fairy tale, a realization that was true both then and now. How did I come to this understanding? It was through the experience of visiting other places as a guest, where I would play with fellow children in their modest courtyards, often surrounded with garages and parking spaces. Sometimes we would simply play in the area in front of the building’s entrance. In those moments, it didn’t require much intelligence to grasp the undeniable truth: I was fortunate to call the most enchanting part of the city my home, with the grandest backyard one could imagine.
Being born and living in Podhum is a true privilege. Why do I say this? The reason is simple to explain. You have a yard with wonderful amenities for children, including swings, seesaws, and sometimes even a sandbox. You also have the Radobolja River on two sides, which provides endless inspiration, from summer swims to winter adventures. And then there’s Hum Hill, which was a playground for our inner Tarzans and Indiana Joneses, offering boundless opportunities for exploration and excitement.
And finally, we cannot overlook the captivating beauty of the Neretva River, a true gem that held a special place in our hearts. It was there that we would swim, fish, and playfully “capture” the attention of the girls. But before indulging in the pleasures of the Neretva, we had to conquer Radobolja and gain the approval of the older folks, who kept a watchful eye on us. After our refreshing swims, we would gather for games of soccer at the Medical School’s playground. As we transitioned into adulthood, our priorities naturally shifted. I still vividly recall those early evenings when we ventured beyond our familiar surroundings. We would assemble in close-knit groups, known as “gangs,” consisting of three to eight companions, eagerly exploring the town together. Over time, we gained the freedom to venture out alone, whether to the historic Old Town or the bustling Boulevard, where there was always a friendly face to join us for a cup of coffee or a refreshing pint of beer.
However, the arrival of the “army reservists,” predominantly Serbian volunteers in the reserve units of the Yugoslav Army, brought a somber atmosphere. Despite continuing our outings, there was an underlying tension in the air, signaling the imminent arrival of a turbulent era. The carefree spirit of our youth gradually gave way to caution. We armed ourselves not out of aggression, but to protect our beloved streets and the sense of security we once took for granted. None of us from our tight-knit group served in the Yugoslav People’s Army. We were ambitious, idealistic high school students, dreaming of making a positive impact on the world. Yet, as time passed, our aspirations were tempered by the harsh realities we faced. Survival became our primary goal, even if it meant shooting without intending harm.
We navigated through that period of time, overcoming its challenges and embracing its joys. Our friendships remained unchanged, standing the test of time. Gradually, our circle started to embark on the journey of marriage and starting families. And I, like many others, found myself on that path as well.
My whole life changed when my son was born. I was filled with immense happiness and also a sense of fear. I realized that being a father meant no more joking around. I had a new and important role to fulfill.
Both my spouse and I were fortunate enough to have steady employment and the means to sustain ourselves. However, my wife’s maternity leave was disappointingly short, leaving us in need of assistance. ‘Grandma service’ was the most successful. As time passed, we realized it was crucial to explore daycare options, a significant milestone for us as parents. We approached this task diligently, researching various facilities as if planning a mission to the moon. Each daycare seemed promising at first glance, but upon closer examination, we found ourselves losing interest. On a particularly challenging day at work, a colleague noticed my distress and empathetically handed me a pamphlet, suggesting that I read it at home and then discuss it together the following day.
My wife and I read the pamphlet once, and then we read it again. We could hardly believe our eyes. It was exactly what we had been looking for. The following day, my colleague asked about our decision. It was exactly what we had hoped for! No matter how much effort we put into talking to our child and instilling values through stories, it would never compare to the actual experiences the child would have. I am eternally grateful to my colleague for her tremendous help. We enrolled our child in the Sunce daycare center in Cernica in 2007. The center offered a program similar to Montessori education, along with foreign language instruction.
My son stood out as the sole Croatian child in his daycare group and even in the entire center. When we initially brought him to daycare, we anticipated tears, but to our surprise, he immediately immersed himself in play with the other children, paying no heed to our presence. The dedicated and caring teachers at the facility imparted valuable life lessons through interactive games, leaving a lasting impression. One particular moment that stands out is when my son donned the role of Santa Claus, delighting his peers with gifts. The contagious joy and excitement that permeated the daycare, spilling onto the streets, were impossible to ignore. Not only did my son embrace Christmas festivities, but he also celebrated other holidays such as Eid and Catholic and Orthodox Easter with equal enthusiasm. He formed strong bonds with his best friend, Mirza, and experienced his first preschool crush on a girl named Ajla. It was in those moments that I realized we had made the right choice with the daycare, as it provided a solid foundation for his growth in a diverse and inclusive environment.
My utmost desire was for my son to have a childhood akin to mine, free from judgments based on names, skin color, or physical differences. I wished for him to treat others with kindness, irrespective of whether they relied on an asthma pump or wore glasses. Now, as he embarks on his first year of college in Mostar, Mirza remains his steadfast companion. They enjoy going out together to places like Abrašević, Pavarotti, and the Old Town. His circle of friends is diverse, comprising individuals from various backgrounds, and they embark on adventures worldwide, having visited destinations like Tunisia, Venice, and London. And, of course, we can’t forget to mention his adventures by the sea with girls. Ah, the joys of youth!
Allow me to share my perspective as an older individual who has chosen to reflect on the journey thus far. Upon closer examination, my spouse and I made a deliberate decision to raise our children without fostering hatred towards those who are different or unique. And we have succeeded in this endeavor! I take great pride in the fact that we never confined our child to a narrow-minded worldview and persevered in finding the perfect daycare center. In my opinion, this approach is instrumental in eradicating hatred from our lives. While I am uncertain if such a daycare center still exists in Cernica or if it was solely a pilot project, one thing remains clear: the generation that emerged from that facility is remarkably accepting of diversity. Hatred and intolerance are foreign concepts to them—they simply do not exist in their world. As a parent, it is my enduring duty to remain engaged and attentive, even if it means being perceived sometimes as a “jackass.” Guiding and nurturing my child is a lifelong commitment, akin to the teachings of faith, which encourage us to embrace and love our fellow human beings unconditionally.